Love is a many splendid thing..
It’s also a royal pain in the ass.
What? You know you were thinking it too. The endless whirl of first glances, first impressions, or trying to secure these if you can’t seem to land the first two have been in human history for thousands of years now. Two is better than one. 1+1=1 when you are in unified being under what else but Love’s mantle? Love has the power to eradicate every bit of functional sense while at the same time making everything clearer. A powerful, potent paradox. Poetry aside, it also stands to be an elusive game of never ending chase for those who seemed confused by how dating, love, and relationships all really function. How do you go about deciding what you want in a significant other? Are you even looking for a significant other? Just want to at least get one viable number connected to an actual voice mail or land line first? Here on The Geeky Chic, every Tuesday will feature a newly minted opinion or tip to help navigate the strange world of pairing one human being with another. Tuesday Love Lounge.
We can consider this nature’s own ultimate excersise in the following: chemistry, physics, biology, and perhaps sadism as well. (Rejection is brutal. Fights can be brutal. Waiting for the phone to ring with “they aren’t that in to me” feelings is brutal.) Let me say that I am none of the following scientific entities nor a social sciences genius. Merely an observer, writer of, and participant in this crazy process who’s had her fair share of success or failure. So let’s get started. Episode 1, go!
The Battle Plan
Welcome to step 1 in the “Getting Ready to Adventure in to the Fray” sequence! You wouldn’t begin your D&D section devoid of your favorite characters would you? What campaign is complete without your favorite mage or elf? In order to get them to where they are they required base qualities: you opted for things based on their + or – items such as magic, fighting skills, hit points, special talents. You probably even considered eye color, height, skin tone. (This might be more of you deeply intense table toppers, Online /video gamers with options, LARPers for sure, and text based gamers like myself who get so in depth you’d swear we thought they were real) From a basic sketch you start adding in the rest, and from there you are able to have a way to start your adventure.
Dating is the same way. In essence, you are planing an epic campaign. The roll of the dice is your moves. Your charisma vanishes faster than movie soda with just the thought of a glance from the opposite party. At least with a plan of attack, you can be the ultimate Dungeon Master. Consider the following:
1.) What are your intentions entering in to this: Each intention comes with it a different set of specifications but it is good to know what you want: casual dates only? Long term relationship? Friends first while going out with relationship potential later? Looking to charm the literal pants off with a mug of beer and your hypnotic Level 10 gaze? Willy nilly wandering will get you cut down by the wolves. You are free to change your mind over time but go in with an idea. I found that when I was clear on what I wanted my intention, action, and outcome matched far better than utter lack of restraint. Also, no one likes to be led on by a string. Being honest is just a good policy toward being a good human being.
2.) What are you looking for in a person: Going back to the description of our favorite characters and their traits, what you want in a person is very much the same way. I do not advocate looks over traits on a personal level. At the same time, honesty is the best policy. Are looks on your “must have” list or your “wish list?” Are those hazel eyes, 6’0, muscular chest desires the things of your urban fantasy reading? Are those big breasts because you bumped into a hot costumed babe at a recent con? Right after honesty comes perspective. Never seek in a person what you would not want to be turned down for yourself. Wanting someone who is fit, trim, and athletic and judging them on this basis alone while you are a couch potato is stupid vanity. Grade A jerk, too.
There is nothing wrong, however, with wanting to have a physical attraction to others or to yourself. Like yourself first! If you care for yourself inside and out, you will feel better. Feeling better means you will radiate that “come hither sock it to ’em” essence. Take an inventory on how you feel about your personality, confidence, and mind. You are a great person all the time! No one is going to complete this. They will appreciate it, however, because confidence is extra sexy. Second, how do you feel outside? Trying new make up on, a new outfit, a workout routine or eating some different foods also have the tendency to open us up to new experiences.
In the land of personality and traits? There are many who decry having a list because it is alleged to set the bar for unrealistic expectations. So if you have pie-in-the-sky listings you might want to tone them down. Still, having your basic allowances and unmovable aspects are critical to the battle plan. These can be as simple as personality things such as: humor, spontaneity, organized, laid back, ambitious or as more fixed as: is looking for a relationship, isn’t looking for a relationship, hooking up, wants to get married, needs to go to church, must have similiar interests, etc. Knowing who you are and what you want are critical for any success!
This afternoon be on the look out for the Battle Plan’s look at hobbies (use your tools in the landscape) as well as tips on searching for love in all the RIGHT, not wrong, places. Welcome to Tuesday Love Lounge
The Geeky Chic,