Tuesday Love Lounge: Battle Plan, Part 2

Earlier today we kicked off Tuesday Love Lounge with developing a Battle Plan.  Thank you for waiting. We now continue on with our program!

The Battle Plan..Resumed

3.) Hobbies or How to Use Your Tools in the Right Landscape: Many people struggle with the idea of having to turn on the charm in order to impress for dates.  How do you:

  -start to open up?
  -practice your speaking skills?
  -start to reach out and share interests with others?

My recommendation for this is to use what inspires you as a spring board for this.  Never underestimate the power of the almighty hobby!  It is one of the first and often significant questions asked during connection forming encounters.  The old advice of “get out and do” can be doubly compounded to say “get on and do” by making your online time as enriching as your offline. For the geek, technology has enhanced our connectivity while possibly eradicating some key face-t0-face components. How do you make a bridge?  First, utilize the online for what it can offer by way of showcasing your personality, talent, and ability to interact without worrying about the physical issues of nervousness, eye contact, and body language.  Situate yourself with what you like to do. Are you an online gamer? Perhaps you should take up creating environments if you enjoy organization, writing, or drawing. Running a guild is another another example of utilizing your in house talents.  As you talk to people in the game, let’s say you’d find several of them are local. What about establishing a group through a service such as meetup.com?   Here you will be able to take your interests outside of the keyboard/joystick/box combination sequence and in to the real world with the knowledge that you will not be going in cold.  For those who are not saavy to start but join, a place such as meetup.com will be able to furnish you with a variety of interests.

If you dance?  Take a social dance class!  If you draw or paint?  Art classes.  Find people to attend movies, conventions, parties, or other social functions with. Catering to your interests will allow you the comfort zone to start expanding past the usual bubble.  For us geeks who are so bound to our pieces o’ tech?  Get out of the house now and again. Knowing you, you’ll have a dating experience fused with wire and wind anyhow, but imagine how many fun date ideas you will come up with if you go out the door now and again.  Besides – how many of you are sporting some sort of phone that will allow you to read a restaurant review in the sunshine at the very least?  You know who you are.

 

4.) Looking for Love in the RIGHT Places:  Attraction is said to happen anywhere at any given time, but if we want to help our spark turn to a flame a little sooner it is also not a matter of how you look, but where. Remember your intentions figuring as objective one? This will influence where you look, and what services you may elect to do so. I will be the first to say that my dating experiences have always been a hybrid of tech (hobbies+online dating) + real world follow through + setting/meeting someone beyond or without box bubble = varied experiences (2).  Watching a man chat up your best girlfriend and you stimultaneously only to feel up her rear on the dance floor but look at you is a recipe for disaster. If this occurs with several doing the same thing it is safe to say you are not in a place conducive to finding Prince or Princess Charming. That, most times,  is the land of Sir and Dame One Night Stand. This part will require doing your homework, and willingness for a little trial and error.

Intentions will also help you to figure how much time you are willing to spend at this. I am a large advocate of online dating having used it both to meet friends and hunt for a significant other.  I’ve also gotten up the courage to flirt at a bar, dance class, dance hall, or other places where people gather.  A short breakdown of both for the beginner:

Online Dating


* Please note, when engaging in online dating or any online to life socialization, be safe!  Be careful with your personal information. Do not readily distribute phone numbers or addresses to everyone you meet. Be selective! Never feel pressured to continue with communications that you do not feel are appropriate. Trust your gut.  When establishing a meeting with someone let a friend or family member know where you will be and at what times.  Schedule the first meeting in a public location.

1.) If you are looking to start slow and/or not wishing to spend money, there are sites that now provide matching engines without you forking over your credit card.  Okcupid, Zoosk, and Plentyoffish are examples of free match making services that cover the spectrum of  wants: casual dating, long term relationship, hooking up, friends with benefits, etc.  On sites like this you will be able to set up a profile, read the profiles of others, and start communication.  When writing be yourself, honest, and have fun with it!  Many sites offer tips on profile writing. Don’t be afraid to ask a close friend to read through it. Embellishments are a no, no.  No false pictures, too old images, or stating you went to an Ivy League school when you never set foot in one. Keep in  mind as well that if your intentions are deep partnership, sometimes free sites might not be the way to go.  In those cases you may want to look to eharmony or match.com in order to be in within the same community set.   In the upcoming Tuesday Love Lounges, I will try to review some geek specific matchmaking services based on reader suggestions.

2. ) Alot of sites ask things such as where do you see yourself in x amount of years, what are your hobbies, favorite films, and what is your ideal date. Consider filling out profiles and quizzes another self evaluation exercise so you are aware of what it is that is going on. Spell check is your friend!  Remember, since you are in a sense marketing yourself, you want to do so devoid of errors.

3.) Read carefully. Some are transparent, and some aren’t. It isn’t every day you get a self written essay on a person. How much effort did they put in to writing it?  Do you like what you are reading?  Some sites offer percentiles or ratings based on key areas you indicated you were looking for.  Be open minded, but not so open that you throw yourself on a digital funeral pyre to burn Viking style by compromising far too much.

4.) If you are starting out using your XBox, PS3 or general WoW style game to do this, than the same rules apply to the likes of any in game messages or outside of game messages such as emailing.  It is the person you want to get to know and not the avatar.

5.) How soon do you feel is too soon to meet?  It’s good to establish that. Some people wish to communicate a couple of weeks or a month long, others don’t want to waste much time and would get offended if after talking for two weeks on a regular basis you hadn’t suggested a meet up. This is a personal choice that’s good to have in mind early.

Real World

1. Appearence is going to play as item number one on the agenda here. Dress to suit where you are going and what you will be doing.  Wear items that make you feel good such as a shirt in a signature color, a snappy pair of shoes, or a favorite dress.  A good hair day never hurts. To quote Annie, “You’re never fully dressed without a smile!”   This is the brightest accessory out there!  It also leads me to mention the importance of body language. Hunched shoulders, down turned eyes, rolled in arms, crossed arms, pinched brows can easily be associated with withdrawal, anger, and constipation. Take a deep breath. Shoulders back, head up, alert eyes, and smile!

2.  Go somewhere you can have fun always. Try new things often. Become familiar with your towns local hotspots for everything from dancing to restaurants to galleries.  Often in geeks, what is considered childish interests can lend itself to some pretty sweet sophistication.  Model makers, character drawers, and scene painters might have an interest in various movements of classical art for example.  Figure collectors could dig sculpture.  A costume goer might be the best thrifter in the world!  In fact your way of geeking might be beyond niche culture to include things such as wine collecting (go to a wine bar) or cooking (check out the newest eatery). By turning one thing toward the next logical step you become what  I like to call the “Geek or Nerd With the Coach Bag and the Manga” effect.  You are that blend of quirky-saavy. That du jour of all things offbeat and classic at the same time.

3. Don’t be afraid to speak up!  First contacts in the 21st century are not captured by one particular gender, so everyone say hello, please.  How do you go about this?  Something as simple as a greeting, your name, and that you noticed them from where you were standing might work.  Being in line and cracking an audible joke for the ear in front of you has worked quite well. A little wit, a little humor, and a big smile always serve to crack the ice.  If you are going the sexy route with it?  This requires ultimate confidence and a balance so you will not be too lewd.  You may need to start off with a flock of your best friends who are also balanced of mind to help give you courage and keep you level at first. This is alright!  Going it alone is tough.  In due time you may have the moxy to start introductions and getting numbers all on your own with your own cultivated filters. Remember the objective of having friends on these adventures is to help facilitate conversation, be encouraged to seek out the new people, and to enjoy a cushion in the event of any falling that ensues.  If you rely square on them, however, to do it for you or to always be around it will spell danger.

With a battle plan in hand and a dream, you, too, can start to make it in this crazy world of dating! Draft up those character sheets and man your dating dice.  Until next Tuesday.

Your Geeky Chic,
Livie

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